A Symbol of Early Motherhood

A few weeks before we found out we were pregnant the first time Chad had started ripping out walls so we could remodel our 1960s home into something that didn’t involve a different color carpet in every room and an entire wall of mirrors in the bathroom. For nine months, he and our family and friends rushed to finish the house in time for Piper’s arrival. I was in full nesting mode and the nursery still didn’t have flooring or furniture. I can remember crying and worrying that it wouldn’t be ready in time for her. For me, it felt like we weren’t prepared unless we had a fully decorated room with a crib and coordinating sheets.

Around the time we were finishing her room, a friend of mine asked me if we’d like the crib all three of her children used. After that, things like that just started falling into place. My anxious, first time mom mind was able to calm down a little. We picked up the crib and had it put together the same day, and it’s been in the same spot ever since.

The crib has always been a symbol of the stage of life I am in. I loved pregnancy. I love raising babies. I love the bedtime routine Parker and I share in this space, but I know, just like his time in our room came to an end, the time he has left in this crib isn’t long. He’ll be two in May and I’m hurting. It’s difficult for me to accept the fact that I’m finished carrying babies. There are so many things that are going to be lasts for us this coming year, and putting a baby in this crib is one of them. I’ve never known this room without it.

His bed is sitting in boxes under our bed. I just can’t seem to let go of this quite yet. There will come a day, just like the one where I felt ok with him moving from our room to his, that I will make the decision to disassemble this symbol of early motherhood. I’ll cry tears of longing for the days that have passed while simultaneously crying tears of joy for the days we have yet to experience.

This is Artifact Motherhood; a collaboration of artists from around the world who have come together to share our stories of the joys and struggles of our journey. Through our writings and visual records, we want to create memories that are more than photographs with dates written on the back. These are the artifacts we are leaving behind for our children and for generations to come. Please check out, Caroline ,  the next artist in our blog circle, and continue through all the artists until you get back to me!