A few weeks before we found out we were pregnant the first time Chad had started ripping out walls so we could remodel our 1960s home into something that didn’t involve a different color carpet in every room and an entire wall of mirrors in the bathroom. For nine months, he and our family and friends rushed to finish the house in time for Piper’s arrival. I was in full nesting mode and the nursery still didn’t have flooring or furniture. I can remember crying and worrying that it wouldn’t be ready in time for her. For me, it felt like we weren’t prepared unless we had a fully decorated room with a crib and coordinating sheets.
Around the time we were finishing her room, a friend of mine asked me if we’d like the crib all three of her children used. After that, things like that just started falling into place. My anxious, first time mom mind was able to calm down a little. We picked up the crib and had it put together the same day, and it’s been in the same spot ever since.
The crib has always been a symbol of the stage of life I am in. I loved pregnancy. I love raising babies. I love the bedtime routine Parker and I share in this space, but I know, just like his time in our room came to an end, the time he has left in this crib isn’t long. He’ll be two in May and I’m hurting. It’s difficult for me to accept the fact that I’m finished carrying babies. There are so many things that are going to be lasts for us this coming year, and putting a baby in this crib is one of them. I’ve never known this room without it.
His bed is sitting in boxes under our bed. I just can’t seem to let go of this quite yet. There will come a day, just like the one where I felt ok with him moving from our room to his, that I will make the decision to disassemble this symbol of early motherhood. I’ll cry tears of longing for the days that have passed while simultaneously crying tears of joy for the days we have yet to experience.
This is Artifact Motherhood; a collaboration of artists from around the world who have come together to share our stories of the joys and struggles of our journey. Through our writings and visual records, we want to create memories that are more than photographs with dates written on the back. These are the artifacts we are leaving behind for our children and for generations to come. Please check out, Caroline , the next artist in our blog circle, and continue through all the artists until you get back to me!
I loved reading your words and feel the sense of anticipation and sadness that defines these big changes that you’ll soon have to acknowledge. It’s heartbreaking to realise how quickly our babies grow, but your words are beautifully tender and precious to remind what you had in the beginning. It’s so much better than the bare walls and floors instead replaced with a room full of love that will only keep on changing and growing. Lovely images, my friend xxx
Thank you, Diana. That means so much!
This was so beautiful to read. I love your words and your images, I love how you were able to make everything revolve around the crib. So inspiring and really made me feel how much love and memories have been created there. Really moved me.
Thank you <3
Oh my goodness Lauren, I am already starting to feel this way thinking about moving Mateo out of our room in a couple of months! The struggle is real! Beautiful heartfelt images as always <3
You write and document this season of motherhood so beautifully, Lauren. As always, I relate all too well. All four of my children will have used the same crib. I too feel that their crib is a symbol of this time in our lives. Very bittersweet to think it will come to an end. Kit is our last, and there is a part of me that mourns this too. You have given yourself and your family a beautiful gift, the gift of making time stand still. The details you have documented, I am sure will bring you much joy and comfort many years from now. A beautiful reminder of how sweet and precious time really is.
Oh Lauren, Dr Seuss ‘s words come to mind when reading your beautiful article “Dont; cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”. These images are so stunning and full of of the feelings described in your post. These are truly precious.
I love that you documented this. The small yet profound moments of motherhood others may not even notice – small milestones, pieces of furniture, etc. I struggle all the time with the fact I’m done having babies, and it was so hard to give away those things that were once theirs. Beautiful post. xox.
You boy is ADORABLE too by the way.
These are such sweet and beautiful photos and words. We are coming up a lot of lasts too and it’s affecting me pretty hard right now, actually.