Week by week. Day by day. Minute by minute. We’ve been living through one of the most interesting and confusing times in our lives. I don’t think any of us could’ve imaged that we’d be starting our second month in isolation as a global population, yet here we are. We’re all taking this as it comes. The times are uncertain and scary and tiring.
I’ve never experienced a more difficult month. It’s been one of those months that ripped me to pieces from the very core of my being. Every time I think I’ve reached the bottom, I’m proven wrong. I’m at war with every thought. I’m the type of person who can usually find the silver lining, but I haven’t seen it yet. We’ve been in a season of mourning and seem to experience the stages of grief on a daily basis now. I’m not working right now, we’re missing out on precious moments with our best friends who will be moving by the time this is over, Piper misses her preschool class and teachers, and we had to say goodbye to our sweet Gunner who took a turn for the worse a couple of weeks ago. I feel lonely and scared. My anxiety controls my every thought. I miss the gym and sleep.
During the first few days, I was living in a sense of shock. Sometimes when major life events happen I find it difficult to pick up my camera. Even in major moments of joy, I’ve just always been the kind of person who needed to process something before I started documenting it. It took me a week or two before I started creating for myself again. Having these memories is important to me for a lot of reasons, but right now, selfishly, I just need to make images to keep me sane.
Our days at home are slow and simple while also being very complex and loud and frustrating and full of snacks and tantrums. I document as a way of escaping the monotony while hopefully being able to show my future self the beauty in the chaos.
This is part of ARTIFACT MOTHERHOOD – a project shared with other female artists who are documenting our journeys as mothers and creating memories for our children through our photographs and words. Go next to the wonderful artist April Christopher to read her post in our blog circle.
You are amazing Lauren ! You keep your eyes on the beauty you so wonderfully capture, on your loves and your family. xx
Lauren, as always you are so wonderfully able to be real and honest in the most delicate of ways. And your images, again as always, are just exquisite. I love your colours and use of light and the different angles, you should make turn the images you make during this time into a book. x
So beautifully documented Lauren. I’m so sorry about Gunner, that’s tough especially these days. I totally get that heavy feeling of not being able to pick up a camera so that fact that you created these moving images is even more special. xx
You and I need to sit down for a warm cup of coffee someday and talk life. For real! When I read your posts whether blog or social media I’m always able to deeply connect and relate to what you’re feeling or saying with ease. The grief, anxiety and emotions during this time are so real! It is my genuine belief that a lot of mothers are going to find your art extremely comforting, because I most certainly do. I find comfort knowing I’m not the only one navigating this insane headspace. I find comfort knowing I’m not the only mom navigating the gnarly tantrums and frustrations of her children. YES to all of this! Most especially, sending you and yours all my love, Lauren.
Such a tough time, and yet beautifully documented with real, raw emotion and moments of beauty in between Lauren
Lauren you have done such a beautiful job documenting this time at home. Your words resonated so much with me. I seem to be riding those waves of grief also and trying to accept rather than reject change and it has not been easy.
So beautifully documented Lauren, I can relate to so many of your words. I too often need to live a situation for a while before starting to document, and was feeling quite paralysed at the beginning of all of this! So sorry to hear about Gunner. Sending all the positive vibes and lots of love xx
Your images and words have always had the ability to move me deeply and connect me to you as your voice resonates so clearly through your storytelling. I think this global event will take a long time to process and learn from, but we have the unique advantage as photographers to make photos to aid our memories that hope will allow you/us to see, as you beautifully put, “beauty in the chaos”.
At the start of the pandemic, I was feeling down most of the time and anxiety was building inside of me. I am really lucky to have my family near me and we are all safe together. I try to take it one day at a time. I hope all this will end soon. I absolutely adore how you document your everyday life, you are a master in storytelling and every image has it’s own beauty. I am really sorry to hear about Gunner. Stay safe my friend! xx