Week by week. Day by day. Minute by minute. We’ve been living through one of the most interesting and confusing times in our lives. I don’t think any of us could’ve imaged that we’d be starting our second month in isolation as a global population, yet here we are. We’re all taking this as it comes. The times are uncertain and scary and tiring.
I’ve never experienced a more difficult month. It’s been one of those months that ripped me to pieces from the very core of my being. Every time I think I’ve reached the bottom, I’m proven wrong. I’m at war with every thought. I’m the type of person who can usually find the silver lining, but I haven’t seen it yet. We’ve been in a season of mourning and seem to experience the stages of grief on a daily basis now. I’m not working right now, we’re missing out on precious moments with our best friends who will be moving by the time this is over, Piper misses her preschool class and teachers, and we had to say goodbye to our sweet Gunner who took a turn for the worse a couple of weeks ago. I feel lonely and scared. My anxiety controls my every thought. I miss the gym and sleep.
During the first few days, I was living in a sense of shock. Sometimes when major life events happen I find it difficult to pick up my camera. Even in major moments of joy, I’ve just always been the kind of person who needed to process something before I started documenting it. It took me a week or two before I started creating for myself again. Having these memories is important to me for a lot of reasons, but right now, selfishly, I just need to make images to keep me sane.
Our days at home are slow and simple while also being very complex and loud and frustrating and full of snacks and tantrums. I document as a way of escaping the monotony while hopefully being able to show my future self the beauty in the chaos.
This is part of ARTIFACT MOTHERHOOD – a project shared with other female artists who are documenting our journeys as mothers and creating memories for our children through our photographs and words. Go next to the wonderful artist April Christopher to read her post in our blog circle.